Utter Nonsense
by CandyCola
Summary: Ummm... a collection of stories based on nothing really! Plz RR and check out my other stories!
1. Celery!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter? Yeah, unfortunately NOT mine. J.K Rowling's. Plot belongs to me, unless someone has done this before me.  
  
A/N Once again a script format, I know it's annoying but I find it's easier for humor stories. I have been made to mention my sister Isie who sat there giving me lame ideas for my story.  
  
Summary: A whole lot of nonsense, basically.  
  
CHAPTER 1: Celery  
  
Harry: I lost my Celery.  
  
Ron: It was MY Celery.  
  
Hermione: You're both wrong. It was Professor McGonagall's Celery! (A/N Can someone tell me how to spell that???? McGonnacal, that is)  
  
Dumb Foreign Guy: What's Celery?  
  
Draco: I had a bath but then I tripped over and I got dirty so I had to have another bath but then I tripped over and got dirty so I had to have another bath but then I tripped over and got dirty so I had to...  
  
Snape: Potter, what are you doing here? I was supposed to be doing something important and you made me forget what it was! 500 000 000 points from Gryffindor!  
  
The Mouse that was in the corner: Squeak! Squeak!  
  
Dumbledore: My beard is really long.  
  
Harry: I use Herbal Essences shampoo; it makes me scream 'YES!' a lot when I use it.  
  
Ron: As does it for me.  
  
McGonnacal: I miss my Celery!  
  
Lupin: I am a werewolf. I eat werewolf-y stuff.  
  
Strange Foreign Guy: What does warewolf mean?  
  
Mr. Blue: Hello, my name is Mr. Blue.  
  
ALL: Hi! Mr. Blue!  
  
Mr. Blue: I believe I will go now. Cheerio!  
  
ALL: Bye! Mr. Blue!  
  
Ron: I don't like Mr. Blue.  
  
Hermione: You don't know Mr. Blue.  
  
Snape: Don't be a know-it-all Miss Granger.  
  
Hermione: But he doesn't-  
  
Snape: SHUT UP!  
  
McGonagall: Where, oh where, is my dear Celery?  
  
Malfoy: I am very boring. Every day I eat boring Bore-Dom food. I sleep in a Bore-Dom bed and I play with Boredom-Busters.  
  
Ron: I am poor. Give me some money.  
  
Harry: I like dog biscuits.  
  
Strange Foreign Guy: What does biscuits mean?  
  
Dumbledore: Being the old wise man that I am I must say: I suck my thumb and I'm scared of the dark.  
  
Hermione: You're a big baby.  
  
Dumbledore: You're all big meanies *runs away crying*  
  
Ginny: I just found this celery. It was quite nice.  
  
McGonagall: NOOOOOOOO THAT WAS MY CELERY!!!!!! YOU ATE MY CELERY!!!!!  
  
Ginny: You want it back? 'cos I could give it back to you. *Starts gagging up the celery*  
  
Ginny: You want it?  
  
McGonagall: No, thanks.  
  
Harry: I'll have it!!!!! *eats the vomited up celery.*  
  
Draco: I play with my Ducky in the bath. It says 'Quack quack.' But the one day its squeaky thingy got losted so I was sad but then I found it again and I was happy but then I lost it and I was sad but then I found it again and I was happy but then I lost it again and I was sad but then I found it again and I was happy.  
  
Hermione: I use Colgate toothpaste.  
  
Strange Foreign Guy: What does toothpaste mean?  
  
Snape: Thanks for that. I use McLean's. It is much better.  
  
Hermione: Colgate!  
  
Snape: McLean's!  
  
Hermione: Colgate!  
  
Snape: McLean's!  
  
Ron: I disagree. The one with Barney the Dinosaur on it is much better.  
  
ALL: I hate Barney! He hates me! We shoved hi-im up a tree!  
  
McGonagall: I MISS MY CELERY!!!!  
  
Snape: Now lets all go out for a Buffet lunch!!  
  
Ginny: Do they serve celery?  
  
Snape: Yes! Yes they do!  
  
Mcgonagall: YOU'RE ALL BIG MEANIES!!!!!!!!!! *runs out of the room*  
  
Hermione: YEAH!!!!!!! *follows out*  
  
Ginny: YEAH!!!!!!! *also follows out*  
  
Ron: YEAH!!!!!!!!  
  
Strange Foreign Guy: What does Yeah mean?  
  
Ron: It's just a cool word. USE IT!!! *walks out*  
  
Strange Foreign Guy: YEAH!!!!!!! *follows Ron*  
  
Snape: (To Harry) Well, look's like it just you and me, Harry old boy.  
  
Harry: You're scary!! M...U...M...M...Y!!!!!!!!!  
  
A/N That's it for this chapter. I know that that was complete and utter rubbish!!!! Stayed tuned for the next episode...Celeries funeral!!!! And a new rubber ducky star is born!!!!!!! Please R/R and don't forget to check out my other stories.  
  
Later,  
  
HippieChic17 


	2. A Rubber Ducky Star is Born!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine so no hope of you being able to sue me. SUCKED IN!!!  
  
Summary: Nonsense, nonsense and more nonsense!!!!!! YAY!!!!!! NOW ON WITH THE STORY!!!!! *jumps away on a pogo stick then drowns as she has jumps into the water* I SURVIVED YAY!!!!!!  
  
A/N I'm a poor little soul obsessed with cucumber and annoying people.  
  
Chapter 2: A star is born.  
  
McGonagall: I am sad.  
  
Snape: I washed my ears last night. I sent the washer to the candle-makers and now I have lots of wax candles at my house.  
  
Ron: You don't have a house!  
  
Snape: Oh yeah!!!!  
  
McGonagall: Doesn't anyone care that I am sad???????  
  
ALL: NO!!!!!!!  
  
McGonagall: Ok!!!!!  
  
Dumbledore: My teddy bear cut its finger. See? *points to where a bit of red texta is drawn on teddy*  
  
Hermione: That Chicken is painting! *points to the chicken that is painting*  
  
Ron: I'm a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle, here is my spout, when I get all steamed up, then I SHOUT...  
  
ALL: TIP ME OVER, POUR ME OUT!!!!!  
  
Fred and George suddenly show up  
  
Fred and George: Hi! We were busy blowing up toilets and terrorizing ickle firsties.  
  
McGonagall: I miss my celery.  
  
Harry: Celeries dead!  
  
Draco: I wore socks the other day.  
  
Hermione: Oh My God! I did to! That is so, like, weird!  
  
Ron: Hermiones turned into an American!  
  
Hermione: Yeah, like totally!  
  
Snape: I watch Queer eye for the Straight Guy.  
  
Ron: I was on it.  
  
Harry: Did you need a makeover?  
  
Ron: No, I'm queer.  
  
Draco: *skipping around* RONALD WEASLEYS QUEER! RONALD WEASLEYS QUEER!  
  
McGonagall: Come along everyone, it's time for celeries funeral!  
  
*AT CELERIES FUNERAL*  
  
Poochie the Dog: Dearly, um, people. We are, like, gathered here today to, like, say bye to the little dude who Professor M over there was, like, obsessed with, the celery guy. Heres, um, a dude and dudette to say something, like, 'bout him.  
  
*McGonagall sits in the corner sobbing*  
  
Harry: I didn't know I was a dudette, I thought I was a Banana in Pyjamas!  
  
Bananas in Pyjamas: No, we are!!!!!  
  
Harry: I thought I was a Teletubby  
  
Teletubbies: No we are!  
  
Harry: I thought I was Postman Pat.  
  
Postman Bob: Normally Postman Pat would show up here and say that he was Postman Pat but he is holidaying in the Bahamas so he was unable to guest appear in this very odd story. Cheerio!  
  
Harry: I thought I was...  
  
Hermione: Oh be quiet! Don't you know who I am?  
  
Harry: I thought you were...  
  
Hermione: I'm a Dude! Yay! Go dudes! *looks very proud.*  
  
Lavender: Hi, I had a 'thing' with the Cucumber so I came here and I would just like to say that I don't really like you, Hermione Granger. *jumps onto Hermione and starts hitting her*  
  
Snape: YAY! A erm...kitten fight!  
  
McGonagall: Don't you mean a Cat Fight?  
  
Snape: I thought you were grieving over the Cuicumber.  
  
McGonagall: Oh yes *continues to sob*  
  
Meanwhile, the world famous Nincy Draw has just finished solving one of her world famous mysteries. You see, she has just worked out that Pepsi is actually a copy of Coke!!!!!! She is very pleased with her detective efforts.  
  
Anyway back to the story.  
  
Lavender: *slaps Hermione*  
  
Hermione: *Slaps back*  
  
Harry: This fight is getting boring. And now for you're funeralistic delight, Robert the singing Rubber Ducky!!!!!!!!!  
  
Robert the Singing Rubber Ducky: Jack and Jill had a little lamb its fleece was white as snow and everywhere that humpty fell the lamb was sure to go.  
  
Hermione: This song is like, totally happening!  
  
Robert the Singing Rubber Ducky: Hello world, this is me-e life should be-e- e ooh-ooh yeah fun for everyone.  
  
Dumbledore: This song is annoying.  
  
Talent agent guy: Hi! I'm a talent agent guy and you are going to be famous, Robert the Singing Rubber Ducky!  
  
ALL: YAY!!!! GO ROBERT!!!!!!!!!  
  
Robert the Singing Rubber Ducky: I feel so honoured.  
  
Suddenly A hole opens up in the ground. Ron falls into it.  
  
Ron: AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...  
  
Draco: I'm a big boy! I can take off my clothes! *proceeds to show everyone by taking off his clothes*  
  
Hermione: Please! *covers her eyes*  
  
ALL (except Harry who has disappeared for some unknown reason): EEEEW!!! *covers eyes*  
  
Snape: Now lets all go out for frosty milkshakes!  
  
Hermione: But this chapter isn't over yet!!!  
  
Snape: Oh yeah...HURRY UP!!!!!  
  
Ron: Baked beans make you fart.  
  
Harry: I thought you were falling down that hole over there. *tries to point at hole but fails, 'cos it isn't there anymore*  
  
Hermione: What happened to the hole? It was right there! *creepy X-Files music plays*  
  
Harry: No wait! It was over there! *points*  
  
McGonagall: Have I been forgotten about? I haven't been mentioned for a while now! *scowls at author, the incredibly beautiful, incredibly talented, HippieChic17*  
  
Snape: Is the story over yet?  
  
Harry: I am special.  
  
Dumb foreign Guy: What does I mean?  
  
Hermione: I think it is over now!  
  
A/N The end of this chapter!!! YAY!!!! Watch out 'cos I'm working on another story! Don't forget to check out my other stories! And if you have any ideas you're like to give me for the story I will gladly use them and mention you. NOTE: Mixed up nursery rhyme thing written by Bex and Ash. 


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